For some, the fear of failure is something our psyche became occupied with somewhere along the line of growing up. We became afraid of getting the wrong answer, of saying the wrong thing, of disappointing ourselves - like our failure will somehow validate the voice in the back of our mind saying we might not be good enough. It’s frustrating, but the reality is – this fear will hold us back from proving that voice wrong.
Fear is a natural part of being human. What once upon a time was survival instinct now seemingly gets in the way of our success. So here is my first piece of advice, as someone trying to overcome this fear: We must evolve. That is, our minds must adapt, must recognise that failure is not the definition of our potential, but a springboard for growth.
Oprah said it best:
"Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness."
Are you more likely to seek out a challenge, or prefer to stay within your comfort zone? Would you rather be told you are a hard worker, or you are smart? When another succeed, are you inspired, or threatened?
These questions differentiate between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. A fixed mindset assumes our intelligence, character, and abilities are a fixed constant. The struggle for success only serves to reaffirm this static measure, thus failure must be avoided at all costs. Societal stigmatisation of failure as a branding of inadequacy led us to internalise this perception and form a fear of failing.
A growth mindset, instead, thrives on a challenge, and sees failure not as evidence of unintelligence, but a means for future success. Reframing failure, seeing it in a different light, is the first step towards real growth.
Re-examining your mindset is only a starting point. We should also learn to face a challenge with informed confidence. You might have, in the past, procrastinated on tasks, intimidated and uncomfortable with the thought that the task may bring failure. This is where stepping outside our comfort zone is required – we must be prepared for this new challenge, acknowledge our need to acquire new skills, to learn and to grow.
As Bob Iger, former CEO of Walt Disney said,
"The riskiest thing we can do is just maintain the status quo."
Set realistic goals and expectations. Break your status quo. Focus on the process, not the end result. In my experience, focusing on the learning journey instead of whether you pass or fail at the end of the road it will set you in better stead for your future.
Sadly, sometime, we will fail. The train veers off course. We encounter a roadblock in our journey. This is where resilience is of utmost importance – a tool dismantling the fear of failure by answering the question: So what if I fail? Resilience is a throwback to my primary school value – which had remained, through the years, glaringly relevant. Whether it is a low score on a test, or a missed deadline, or you didn’t get that internship you wanted, that role you applied for, resilience is you choosing to persevere in spite of it. Focus on the solutions and the lessons learned.
Personally, I’m not “over” my fear of failure. For me, this is a journey where I will remind myself, every step of the way, that the challenge I am facing is not the end-all-be-all of life.
I will try and maybe fail, and I will be okay. You will be too.
Written by Minh Nguyen